Depression: selflost, goal-less.

I look at the things I've done
I play a recording of songs I sung
I read all the words I've written
All the pictures I've taken
All drawings I've made
And all the memories I've collected...

With a feeling of dettachment
as if none of it belonged to me anymore

I gulp for air as I work the courage to stare at the mirror
And as if just to feed my numb soul
I see a girl that I can't recognize as myself.

One beaten after the other
One more piece of our identity taken away
One more part of our integrity forcefully overrided
One more dream erased
Until that girl couldnt fight no more.

And if my true self has lost the fight
if that girl is long gone
What is left of me?
What is left to keep fighting for?

Depression: unworthy, unfit

I look in the mirror and I see
I see a pair of green eyes still strong with
a passion for what's fair and what's right
A pair of eyes daydreaming of things simple and pure, black and white

And that's when I realize that
It's as if I'm unfit
Unfit to live in society
Unfit to care for another being
Unfit to have a healthy relationship
Unfit for a long lasting, career progress job

Back in the mirror I see a fair skin  against a honey blond hair
A good looking appearence despite all the attempts
To be a dischevelled and careless type

And then I realize, once again
How unfit I am
to show my face outside
to meet someone new
to try out for new roles
to dare a take what could or should be mine

One last time I gaze in that mirror
and I see a tall girl with curvy lines
a pretty face on a young expression
nothing but a confused and gypsy soul reflection

And that's when I realize that despite all my inteligence and efforts,
I still am seen as unfit
Unfit for being taken seriously
Unfit for being respected back
Unfit for being cared about
Unfit for having a decent future
Unfit for receiving my well earned prizes.

And then I feel lost
I feel dazed
I feel confused
I feel abandoned

Hopeless,
As if even my own reflection at that mirror had too decided I am unfit and unworthy,
and then deserted me, leaving me to my own demises.

Caged Bird

Caged Bird
By Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind  
and floats downstream  
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and  
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still  
and his tune is heard  
on the distant hill  
for the caged bird  
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams  
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream  
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied  
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings  
with a fearful trill  
of things unknown  
but longed for still  
and his tune is heard  
on the distant hill  
for the caged bird  
sings of freedom.

 
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